Cringe, everyday I do

Did you figure out why they told you to stay away? That riff on evolution and revolution and a mean plate of food had them swarming the lab back in the day. I volunteered for reeducation, rightly so. I was misinformed and mistaken.

Did they say I was crazy, did they say I’ve hurt many? I’ve led a horrible, marvelous life of mishaps. I’ve been benevolent and malicious. I’ve been calculated and stupid as hell. I was drunk through most of it, that’s a fact not an excuse, oh enablers; you.

If you had the courage to look at yourself, you’d have the courage to look in my eyes too. To ask about, to hold me to account and get it out. What if I told you it was all true? I don’t want to own any of it but I have and I do. I even take the shit that’s been made up to. These shoulders shoulder what these hands do.

There are both consequences and what happens when you walk away. Without fighting back, without trying to set it straight or without making it worse struggling to make it all OK. It never will be. Not since that night, or that one, that morning, that time, that second of emergence till eternity. Easter Sunday, 1969.

I was made for this, breakable, disposable but not biodegradable; landfill material. As such I’ve yet to be impacted by the things being said, for too many now see what I try to do. It started with a simple premise, listening to what people say instead of what I want to hear or what I tell them to. That has made all the difference and is what has brought this conflict with you and you and you. It’s hard not to cringe, everyday I do.